Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Surrender



Why is it so difficult to surrender? There is a song by “Barlow girl,” that I think describes a recent season in my life:

“Surrender"

My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?

Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me

You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me


Here recently, I really feel like God is calling me to more “full time” ministry opportunities- I have wrestled with this for the longest time but I realize that I have been HOLDING on to my security, a guaranteed paycheck, less faith, the list goes on. That is not to say that a "guaranteed paycheck" is a bad thing, in fact most of my friends have them, however I know that God has called me to something different. My calling is no more important than any other working piece of the body of Christ, just unique-the way that it should be. What I failed to realize until recently, was that why I was busy “clutching tightly” to those things, my hands and my heart were CLOSED off to what God wanted for my life, instead of open and ready to receive what He had/has for me!

A few weeks ago, I let go; I have to be honest-I was/am scared to death…However I know that there is freedom in letting go and letting God… I pray that my hands and heart will no longer hold on to what I want, but rather be open and ready for what God sees fit! Ever since that day, God has sent daily confirmations that this is what He wants. I know that it will not be easy, however I would rather be in His will rather than in His way!

Just remember that God took time to knit you together in your mother’s womb, and He has a special plan for your life. He even artistically designed your hands and your heart to fit you and only you-just like your calling. I encourage you, unclench your fists and get ready for God to shape new dreams within you!

Psalm 139:13-14 (New International Version)
13 For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, 
I know that full well.

What are you holding on to?

Surrendering with His help,

Rendered Heart

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

"Dearly Loved"


A few nights ago, I had the opportunity to hang out with my room mates cousins...They are so cute, three girls-all under 10! The middle child is 4 going on 24 and cute as can be. Every time that I see her, she tries to act like she does not like me...So we end up playing this "cat and mouse" game back and forth-honestly quite comical! On this particular night, I begged her (with a huge smile on my face) to "show me some love," so when she resisted-I gave her a big kiss. Without skipping a beat, she looked at me with a sly grin and said "I am gonna wipe your love off!" I joked back and said "oh no, don't do that!" But in an effort to "wipe my love off" she began "dusting off." Ironically after all of the laughter and tickling, she ended up giving me a kiss and we went on to something else.

Later that night, while I was by myself, I could not help but think, "how many times have I tried to wipe Christ's love off of me." It might not have been in a literal sense, but let's face it-There have been times when I have discredited his sacrifice and thought in the midst of chaos, "well I need to fix this!" When really at the end of the day I cannot fix a thing without him! Denying his presence in a matter is like denying his LOVE for me. And as stupid and idiotic as my decision making can be at times, I can never wipe off the love of Christ, and neither can you! So I guess we better stop trying!

Allow yourself to be embraced by his LOVE!

Romans 8:38-39

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Dearly loved,

Rendered Heart

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Never alone in a storm!


I think that personal testimonies are one of my favorite things to hear. No story ever sounds the same, nor does any life ever look the same. This journey we call "life" is filled with one adventure after another, we just have to hold on tight. There are days when my life feels like a fading photograph and other days that feel like I am in a contest to see how many times I can ride the roller coaster at the theme park-before I cry "mercy." I sit awestruck by the wonder of the Lord and all that He does day to day in all of our lives...

One exciting place to hear someone's story is in the bible..It always amazes me that there are hidden messages everywhere...For instance, let's take the story from Matthew 14:22-33, known as the story of Jesus walking on the water. What seems like a simple story, actually has some really neat teachings intertwined within it. Please read below:

Matthew 14:22-33

22Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

27But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

29"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

Do you see that the passage tells us that Peter was scared, that he had doubt? The writer did not come right out and say it, but Peter questioned Jesus: "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." See that "if it is you?" I almost laugh to myself-sadly because I can think of plenty of times when I knew that Jesus was trying to get my attention in the midst of a storm, but instead of just doing what I knew I was supposed to do, I would "test" him with other useless questioning.

Then it goes on to say that: "when he SAW the wind, he was afraid, and as he began to sink, Peter cried out, "Lord, save me!" Implying that he took his eyes off Jesus! Instead of focusing on the Lord, he became distracted by the clamor around him...Then it says that: "IMMEDIATELY Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Why do we doubt the Lord? He has the whole world in His hands, yet we think that our problems and issues are so big that we should handle them ourselves-our own way. But thankfully it says that after Peter cried out to the Lord-"SAVE ME," Jesus IMMEDIATELY reached out His hand and caught him. Even when we begin to loose faith and question how in the world we are going to get through, all we have to do is ask the Lord for his hand, and he will give it IMMEDIATELY. After all, we are not expected to walk on water, but rather just to have faith in the one that can!

This story is uplifting to me personally, because I can easily loose focus and forget who I am walking towards in the midst of a storm. I am so thankful that even when I do fail, Jesus is still willing to reach out of the holies into my heart to help me!

You may personally be in the midst of the storm, remember where your "help" comes from, so that you do not begin to sink!

I encourage you, take any story in the bible and ask the Lord to expose ALL that He has for you in it. And when you do, please share it with me!



Watching and Waiting,

"Rendered Heart"

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Act like a child


There is something extraordinary about the heart of a child. Something pure, something tender, something genuine. Think about it. You never have to wonder about what they are thinking, because they will tell you. If you ask them if they like your outfit, they will respond honestly, because they have nothing to loose. We as adults are so afraid sometimes of upsetting people that we would rather sugarcoat things, rather than expressing how we really feel.

In Bible times, Jesus references numerous times how he wants the children to come to him (Matthew 19:13-14), and how he longs for us to have a childlike faith (Matthew 18:2-6). Back then, children were actually looked down upon as being a lower class, almost like the poor (Mark 9:36-37). That is why it comes as such a surprise that Jesus desired to spend time with children, much less tell us to emulate them!

Anyone that has spent more than four hours, or maybe even four minutes with a two-year-old knows that his/her outlook on life is totally different from ours (as adults). Two-year-olds are not worried about their 401K or that beautiful bracelet in the "Tiffany's" window, but rather about eating, sleeping, and feeling loved-to put it simply.

I recently had the opportunity to hang out with a two-year-old for a day at the mall. He and I were holding hands, making our way to the exit, when he abruptly stopped me and said: "Tina, look at the mountain! What a beautiful mountain!" I naturally started to try to figure out what he was talking about, until something caught my eye. It was an escalator! In his mind the escalator was an amazing sighting, and being that the "play area" was closed that afternoon, that sighting appeared to be the highlight of his day.

Last night I watched a total of six kids-four of which were between the ages of five and twelve. Right after they all brushed their teeth, we all started discussing "saying our prayers." I then asked, "Who wants to go first?" The oldest being "full of wisdom" then suggested that I go first, because it was my idea (for us to pray aloud). I have to admit that I felt like that was pretty logical, so I did. Then, one right after the other, they said their prayers. Surprisingly, none of them borrowed each other's words or mimicked me-they each prayed their own prayers. You could tell they were not reciting anything or trying to impress anyone with their spiritual jargon, but rather earnestly pondering what to say to Jesus.

When it came time for the little boy to pray, he prayed for "all the people that did not know Jesus, that they would know Him." But he did not stop there. He then prayed for "all the people that did know Jesus, that they might know Him better!" As the words left his lips and soared into the holy of holies, you could tell that he truly had a heart of compassion for people.

So I believe these children leave us adults with a challenge. How can we act more like a child? Obviously it is important for us to be mature and responsible. However, what if we reverted back to a childlike heart? How could we love people better? Think about how effortless it is for a child to speak to a stranger, and some of us would not even dare to do so. Uniquely that child just sees that person as a "friend they have not met yet." And that person was created in the image of Christ, just like you and me; therefore, we are called to love them that way.

With this childlike mindset, would anything change? Would we act differently? Would we pray differently? Would we see escalators or beautiful mountains? You decide!

-Rendered Heart

Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me,
and do not forbid them;
for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 19:13-14 New King James Version


And Jesus called a little child to Him,
set him in the midst of them, and said,
"Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and
become as little children, you will by no means
enter the kingdom of heaven.
Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child
is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And whoever receives one little child
like this in My name receives Me.

But whoever causes one of these little ones
who believe in Me to sin,
it would be better for him
if a millstone were hung around his neck,
and he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

Matthew 18:2-6 New King James Version

Taking a child, He set him before them, and taking him in His arms, He said to them,
"Whoever receives one child like this in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me does not receive Me, but Him who sent Me."

Mark 9:36-37 New American Standard


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Seashells by the seashore....


Last week, I had the opportunity to spend the weekend with my family and a friend at our condo in Siesta Key....I've always loved walking along the beach especially at sunset. There are normally families walking together, laughing, talking, and making memories-I love taking this all in. As I was there kicking the sand with my feet and picking up shells, I was reminded of something interesting. Those of you that know me, know that I love "marine biology," I am so fascinated with the wonders of this world, but especially those that involve the ocean. One of those wonders to me is the "sea shell," or better yet, the animal that takes shelter in that sea shell. It is so interesting to me that a whole world for one animal can exist in something smaller than a quarter. It is because of their size and frankly "the circle of life" that predators present a high risk to them, even those of "their own kind!" Did you know:

"Many mollusks prey on other species of shells by means of drilling. This means that they use specialized mouth parts and enzymes to excavate a circular hole through the shell and then insert their proboscis to eat the soft body parts of the clam or other shell. Sometimes octopi also drill holes in shells to get to the tasty animal inside."
-"San Diego natural history museum"

What that means in "layman's terms" is that over a period of time, the predator slowly works it's way into that shells world and takes over, by complete consumption. This drilling does not happen fast, but slowly-over time.

Does that sound familier. Isn't easy especially in high school , to allow someone to talk us into doing something that it totally against our moral code? And yet we go along with it and before you know it, we are completely taken over by sin..and it seems like all of a sudden-we are an empty shell. What once housed a flourishing individual, now houses an empty spirit..Drained of ambition, drained of life itself!

Please take a second to read these lyrics by "Casting Crowns:"

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Do you see all of the parallels? Distractions do not normally affect our decision making right away, but rather over time. Even our own friends can have an affect on our downfall. Remember that saying "You are who your friends are?" Well it is true, the people we spend the majority of our time with should reflect what we want to emulate!

When that same shell is alerted and knows that it is being threatened, it will bury into the sand immediately! Using that example, when the holy spirit alerts us inside that something is "not right," may we too bury ourselves in the Lord- Using His Word for guidance and refuge!


So ask yourselves this question: "Who am I allowing to influence me, is this good or bad?"

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Big Mess!


I remember being in a drama group in Middle School that volunteered to serve for a dinner at church. I was so excited, I thought that it would be so cool and "official." After we served everyone their food, it was time for their coffee and dessert! I had never carried coffee without a top before so I thought the best thing to do was to watch the coffee very closely, just in case it decided to spill I could somehow tell the cup to "stop that!" HAHA right? I was later told, after intense concentration, that I should not look at the coffee but rather look ahead at the person I was bringing it to. For some reason this actually steadies your hand and causes you to spill less. Who would have thought?

I know that it is so easy for me/us to have something happen in life, where we end up staying so focused on the issue rather then the ONE that we are taking it to. If you were to look directly into that coffee, you would not see your reflection-Your problems do not define you, but rather the way that you handle them. Everyday we are faced with different obstacles that we can either allow to consume our attention or forge us ahead to focus on the Lord. I want to remind you that no one ever said (or should ever say) that "the christian life is easy," but we choose what we make of it. It is important that we keep our eyes fixed ahead so that we do not make a BIG MESS!

"Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you." Proverbs 4:25

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

"The Last Supper"


The night before the "Master Cleanse"....Ok, so I know that you all must be thinking "Why is she publicizing this?" Well because I need accountability! 

So tonight, I decided to eat "Steak and Shake!" I had a cheeseburger with fries and a chocolate shake, and then when I got home and I ate some "famous amos" chocolate cookies..Did I mention that I have not had a burger slash anything (Steak and Shake) like that for at least two years? Oh man but it was good! And there was "no gym" today, talk about a blow out, or maybe I took my "last supper" a little too far! Yeah but I will not be eating solid food for another 2 weeks!!!! If you are interested in doing this too, get the book "Master Cleanse." But to give you a snip-it of my life for the next couple of weeks....(Just FYI, they tell you to ease into it, which as you can see is not my approach!)

To make the Lemonade you will need the following ingredients:

lemons/or limes
water
maple syrup
cayenne pepper

I also have to drink herbal tea (which I did tonight) and do a "salt bathing" in the AM (google that, fun times)

Wish me luck and do not invite me to dinner...please!

I'll be back tomorrow...Night!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

"Throw it OVERBOARD!"





Anyone that has ever seen "The Little Mermaid," or "Titanic" knows that if a ship gets too full in a storm, something has got to give. In each of these movies you see the crew trying to figure out what has the most importance (needs vs. wants), in order to know what is to be thrown over first. Amidst this observation, I/we can assume that there have been instances where the items thrown overboard, were deeply cared about, or had extreme monetary value-resulting in a great loss. How many times in life, do we see God strip us of something, that we thought we could never live without? We look around and question how we will ever survive without that job, or that car, or that house, or that guy, or that girl? Sadly, because we are human, it is easy for our identities to get wrapped up in these things and we all know that as soon as that happens, God has to help us re prioritize, and if we don't-we will SINK! Think about it, once the storm is cleared, as much as those people thought that they would miss those things, all that they can reflect on is the fact that they are alive! Nothing else matters! What if we embraced God's "pruning" of our "vessel" that way-as, "it is sooo good to be alive in Christ?" Would we view life differently? I can't help but think about the different times in my life where God insisted that certain people and or things that were important to me, be thrown "overboard," and how devastated I was-but now reflecting, since the storm has passed, I am thankful to be alive, thankful that I did not sink to the bottom. I want to be a "vessel" that flows on all cylinders, with nothing holding me back and well, sometimes that means some things just have to go "overboard!"

So I challenge you as I challenge myself, What are the things in your life that are holding you back from being the greatest vessel (in/for Christ) you can be-A vessel that is pressing on towards it's final destination-called HOME?

Take refuge in your storms...

Pslam 34:22

"The LORD redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him."

Sunday, June 21, 2009

A Letter..about my Dad!


Dear Reader:

I know that you get letters all the time telling you how amazing someone feels that their parent is to them, so you will find it as no surprise that I too believe that my Dad is the best that any person could ask for.... I discovered at a very young age that I did not like to sweat! I was the little girl that would sit in her dress and bows on the bench on the playground. So...obviously that meant that I had nothing to do with sports or anything that required me to "glow." (until later in life) So in an attempt to help me find a hobby my dad suggested that I try singing lessons. At the time, we had no idea that it would turn into a complete and utter passion. My dad says that I have never been the same since the first time that he saw me perform live, I knew then that I had found my niche. I will say however, that I later discovered (as you well know) that this requires a lot of "glowing," good thing that I did not know that then! As the years went on, both of my parents continued to encourage me to pursue my dreams of singing and using my voice for the greater good.

On May 15th, 1999, I was on my way home from church one night with some friends of mine and their mom. After proceeding through a green light, we were broadsided by a drunk driver, we then spun into traffic. After being hit a second time by a truck full of furniture- we hit the curb, my seat belt ripped and I was ejected out of the car. Not only did God spare my life that night, I had no broken bones. It was at that time that I realized that life is truly as precious and short as God says it is. I feel that during this time God revealed to me a lifelong purpose that He has for all of us, but He showed me my personal way to do it. To put it simply, "Love on people and tell them about me-through song!" I was not exactly sure how to do that, so that was where my Dad came in. Without hesitation he started calling in "favors," we joke that he used to have to beg people to let me sing! Before we knew it, people were calling us, and inviting me to not only sing, but speak as well. To fuel my inspiration he would take me to "GMA week" in Nashville. I will never forget when we went to the awards show together, I learned so much at these events and also got to spend some amazing one on one time with Dad.

Since my ministry began almost 10 years ago, he has never taken a single cent-ever! In fact he has done serious fundraising and the majority of the behind the scenes work. We were able to embrace the fruits of our labor my senior year of high school when "Butterfly Records" approached me about signing on to their record label. We were always told that we could do it with out a label but knew that this could truly take me to the next level-I would be able to reach more people. This decision forced me to move to Nashville at 18 years old, knowing only about 5 people. I was scared to death, but knew I had worked hard to get there. Sadly after 10 months the label went bankrupt! There my Dad was yet again, there to pick me up and encourage me to forge ahead. There has been so many times when I did not believe in myself, but because he did, I pushed on. Fortunately during that ten months the label set me up with "Provident" and "Word Records" for writing sessions. During one of these writing sessions we wrote this song:

Father Me
Lyrics by: Christina Sanders, Joel Lindsey. Tony Woods

We’d ride our bikes bout a mile to the curb drink icees and sit on the curb
There were so many jokes that we both understood without even saying a word
You’ve been my center the heart of my world I’ve always been proud to be your little girl

Chorus
You Father me
You Father me
The way I believe God intends it to be
I see him leading you as you’re leading me
I love the way you Father me

There was never a doubt not even once of whether or not I was loved
You’ve given me strength and the courage to dream to hope and step out in trust
You were there by my side when my heart found it’s faith you Fathered me then and still to this day

Chorus

You are my constant
You are so strong
You are so tender and true
It’s no surprise my picture of God looks a lot like you

Chrous


I think that the song speaks for itself, my earthly father has been a great example of love to me and because of that- it has been easy to trust that my heavenly father always has my best interest at heart. Last year I went through a very life changing experience yet again. In 2006 I married whom I thought was the man of my dreams. After just under 2 years of marriage, he left and decided to pursue a homosexual lifestyle. Mind you, the main focus of my ministry has been purity-so I was a virgin when we got married. (because I made a commitment to God, my father and mother that I would save myself.) Divorce was always a bad word in my home, my parents have been married for almost 30 years on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ. I don't think that they take it for granite that it is only with God's strength and provision that they have "outlived" the statistics. After my divorce, (which by God's grace, I was able to get annulled-legally!) I felt like I had failed! Being fully aware that the decisions made were not my fault, I still wondered how God could use me...It will be a year in July, since my ex-husband left, and over time God has shown me that He is the keeper of my heart, where I find peace and rest. As time goes on, I have been given more and more opportunities to share my experience and how God plans on using it for His glory! In fact, I can honestly say that I am experiencing the happiest most fulfilling time of my life!

Through it all, my Dad has been there as a great example of what a godly man looks like. I am so thankful that I have a Dad that has constantly reassured me of his love. In a little over 3 minutes, you cannot fully capture the size of my heart for him, however I, with the help of the other writers- did my best.

There have been quite a few bumps already in my short journey, but I know, no matter what, my "Father's" will always be there!

Thank you,

Christina

PS: The song "Father Me" is on my most recent CD, as well as iTunes :)

Friday, March 27, 2009

Fulfillment


FUL-FILL also ful·fil (fl-fl)
1. To bring into actuality; effect: fulfilled their promises.
2. To carry out (an order, for example).
3. To measure up to; satisfy. See Synonyms at perform, satisfy.
4. To bring to an end; complete.

I was at dinner with a friend of mine the other night, and we had a discussion about "fulfillment." We talked about our different views on certain people in our lives, that we did not feel were reaching their "full potential." It was really neat because we sat there and talked about what we thought that they should be doing, and after a while realized that maybe they were already doing exactly what they should be. As an outsider we look in on people's lives and have our own ideals of what they should be accomplishing, but those ideas are not always the other person's dreams. Now by no means do I want to confuse "settling" with this topic. No one should ever settle, however they should fight for what they are passionate about.

Just because we thought that these individuals were capable of something greater in our eyes, doesn't mean that they are not already doing what God wants them to do. Think about a missionary, many of them are highly educated and could be making a fine income elsewhere, but instead they are out in the world spreading the love of Jesus. Being a missionary, does not take a lot of head knowledge but you definitely have to have a heart for people. And at the same time think about the president of a major company, heaven knows it takes a special person to hold that type of responsibility and not just anyone can do it. I say all of that to say:

"(Success) Fulfillment is not measured by the greatness that surrounds you, but rather by the greatness that dwells in you!"
-Me

(Disclaimer: This is not like one of those sermons that you heard as a kid-that says money is bad, and having nice things is wrong, I am very thankful for the nice things that God has allowed me to have...These thoughts are only written to explain that it does not matter what you do, just do it unto the Lord!)

True fulfillment can only be found in Jesus Christ. If we commit all of our ways to him, He is faithful and will continue to reveal what he has called us to do. Let's face it, aren't we the most fulfilled when we are in His will, no matter what the task?
Because He designed us all differently, some of us are meant to be the CEO's of companies, and some of us are meant to volunteer and answer the phone at the local church. All of us have different gifts and talents, therefore God will use us all at different capacities.

What are some of the ways that God allows you to experience fulfillment? Do you see that fulfillment as a result of committing your ways to the Lord?


Proverbs 16:3 (New International Version)
3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Monday, March 16, 2009

What sound does your life make?


Last night I had a great opportunity to go and see "The Celebrity Dance Event" for The Spring as well as see Daniel Bernard Roumain (DBR) perform. It was an exciting night filled with music, laughter and a lot of running. It reminded me of the movie 27 Dresses because she would go back and forth to weddings to be a part of it all. Well that is what Carissa Caricato and I did last night...We went back and forth, and did it all-in one night.

We started at the Dance event, so that we could see our friend Aakash Patel perform, he did fantastic. We then went over to the theater adjacent and watched this "DBR" as they call him. I really had no idea what he would be like, considering the fact that all I knew about him was that he played "hip hop violin." With everyone anxiously awaiting in the dark, we began to hear some music from the DJ (Elan Vytal), with an occasional spin from the turn table. DBR began to play and then in a Haitian accent I hear, "My Haitian mother always told me to always bring a gift when you go into some one's home and my Haitian father always told me to always walk with grace." And from there he started playing his violin. The lights came on and there stood a man with dreadlocks down to his knees and energy like I have never seen before. I know most of you are thinking, "oook weird." But I do not think that I would do it justice if I tried to put my experience into words. It was truly an amazing evening.

A quote from his website:

A musical exploration between contrasting cultures and instruments of classical and pop music. The violin, the keyboards, the turntables and the laptop will sing, battle and rhyme together, honoring a full spectrum of musical inventions.

Amidst this eclectic encounter, Daniel asked something that penetrated me far deeper than his music...He asked, "what is the sound of your life?" I am sure that there are many different interpretations of this internal interrogation, however, I felt like he was asking all of us in layman's terms "What does your life stand for, what does it mean?" I'd like to think that we all make music by the way we life our lives. It is kind of like the statement "He/she dances to the beat of their own drum." Everyone has a melody that is essentially our legacy. What are we going to leave with people?


There is a beautiful verse in the bible that states: (1 Corinthians 13:1) "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal."


When someone meets me, can they tell how much I love the Lord? Can they tell how much I value my family? Do they know that my friends are dear to me? Do they know that I care about them even only after 5 seconds? Can they tell that I am honest, and so on? It is so easy to take every human encounter lightly, but you have to remember that you are leaving people with your sound, with your song, what does it sound like? We all know what it is like to hear a song that greatly disturbs us. Are you that to others, or are you a beautiful symphony that soothes a stranger's soul?


We can either choose to harmonize and enhance or clash and crash. What will you do? Will you love? What sound does your life make?


Daniel, thank you for bringing us your gift and walking with grace..

Friday, February 20, 2009

Unwind



What does that mean? Are we supposed to separate ourselves from “life” itself to escape? And if so, what does that say? That we must escape ourselves? WOW! In our fast pace lives of one city to the next, and furthermore from one person to the next, when do we unwind? When do we escape our environment, our responsibilities, our blackberry/iphone -to be completely in the presence of God?

I noticed today that there are very few times though out the day that I am in complete silence. Those times are when I am in the shower, sleeping and sometimes when I read my bible-that’s it. Other times through out the day I am enveloped by sound, in chaos-whether it be organized or disheveled. Even as I sit here, I hear noise, my blackberry just dinged to let me know that I have an email, my dog is sleeping and breathing pretty heavy beside me, a plane is landing behind me, the keys on the keyboard echo after I press them… Noise- it’s constant! How do I ever hear God’s voice amongst all of this? It explains why we want to hear God audibly, because we are so used to being told verbally what to do and what not to do. We are told what to hear and what not to hear -and beyond that- numerous details.

There is a great lyric in a song by the artist “pink” that says “the quite scares me, cause it screams the truth.” When you think about it, that lyric is truth. If we are in silence we are forced to be okay with being with ourselves, hearing what "we" think and not what someone else's opinion is- and it is in those quite moments that we make our deepest discoveries. Discoveries about life, love, and faith!

So what if at the end of your life, you could only testify to being a part of noise, clanging symbols? I hope there is more to life than that… Today allow yourself to hear “you” think, to hear what you have to say and what God has to say to you…Truth is essential to life, rediscover it, unwind!

In this time alone, is there anything that you dicovered that you would like to share?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I want cake!

Firstly, I would like to say that I am very sorry that I have not blogged in a while. My life has been extremely hectic, but I know "no excuse!" Speaking of hectic, I was talking to a friend tonight about "internal chaos." We talked about how in life we try different things in an attempt to better ourselves, but yet life still never seems to work itself out the way that we thought that it would, and when it does, what did we do different? I thought long and hard about my responses, because I realize that I do not posses the secret to life, but pray for wisdom. And well, all I could come up with was-CAKE! Yea, real genius I know, my friend was not amused to say the least. But then I began to explain myself and I think he loosened up-a little.

Life is made like a cake is made. There are certain variables that are important, that alone don't mean much. But when put into something together, they make cake. I talked about the things that you need to make cake such as: Cake mix, Eggs, Oil, Water. The "cake mix" can represent your individuality that is God given, the "eggs" can represent spiritual health, the "oil" can represent financial health, and the "water" can represent physical health. All of these components make you-"you." I am sure that we could list a number of other things that are essential to life, but these are the areas that I would like to focus on.

A friend of mine sent me this quote:


The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he's always doing both.
-UNKNOWN
It is so important for us to have all areas of our lives balanced out. So much so, that there is little distinction between one area and another. My Mom always used to say, "Is it to much sugar for a dime?" This was her way of asking "is it too much of a good thing?" That is possible you know? As good as sugar is, if you put too much into a cake, it will not taste right. In fact, it will not be a cake. It will just be a bunch of off balanced ingredients blended together.

As great as work is for our lives, we can do too much of it. As great as church is, we can serve too much and rob someone else of a blessing. As good as the gym is, we can overwork our bodies. As much as we tend to love ourselves, we can become selfish. With the help of the Lord, I pray that he will guide me on how to measure these ingredients out in my life. Because I do not know about you, but I want CAKE!

What areas of your life do you think need to be reevaluated?

Rendered Heart,
Christina

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Outgrow your bowl!

GoldfishImage by kellyandapril via FlickrHave you ever limited yourself? Put yourself in a box - a place that is safe and hard for you to fail? It is so easy to be afraid of potential or even success, without realizing it. We figure "if I don't speak then no one can disagree with me, if I don't act (out what I feel) no one can react." We actually become scared of something good.

I can't help but think of a goldfish. Did you know that they only grow to the limitations of their environment? Now salt water fish are a different story but fresh water fish actually grow based on their living conditions. How many times have you heard a person, usually a Christian, say "I feel like I live in a fish bowl?" What is interesting to me is that these people sometimes (not always) never out grow their bowl. They get so wrapped up in maintaining their "(Christlike) image," that they forget to grow. They/We end up limiting ourselves to our circumstances aka our "environment!"

How do I know? Because I've been "that fish," the one too afraid to outgrow my surroundings. I have at times limited myself to the expectations of others rather than breaking free with the calling that is on my life. Sure it is easy to sit on a pretty table in a quaint bowl with guaranteed meals, but why not JUMP OUT! Like the part in "Finding Nemo," those fish were crazy. But they knew that there was more to life. I don't mean live like no one is watching, unaware of your witness, but stop restricting yourself from prosperity. Don't get stuck in who you think you should be. Be who you are called to be. Outgrow your bowl! JUMP OUT!
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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Taking my piece of peace!

Do you ever need to escape, to feel like it is okay to laugh as loud as you want or cry as much as you want to? I don’t know about you, but I live with two roommates so those things are not really promoted at my house, the neighbors might hear. So I decided a long time ago that I wanted that special place- “away from the world-” where it is just me, my maker, and praise music.
I live on an island outside of downtown Tampa, FL. There is one locale on the island where you can see the exquisite views of the calm water then look over your shoulder and see the constant chaos of the downtown hustle, this is my special spot. I love to stare at the water and watch the makeshift lighthouse that occasionally catches my car with its beams, then admire all the lights of the city. This spot is very similar to life. As each day passes we face different situations that can seem chaotic and out of control. Many times people would assume that if everything were failing around us then we must be falling a part on the inside-and that is not always true. When I looked up the meaning of “peace” in the dictionary, I found many different definitions, but the one most relevant to me was “a treaty.” A treaty is normally put into place after two entities essentially agree to disagree; they meet in the middle-they find their “spot,” they agree to “peace.” Alike to my place in the middle of chaos and tranquility-That is where I find spiritual peace. Would you ever think that in the midst of discord between oneself and the world that you can find peace, knowing that God is in the middle keeping it all together? True peace comes when we are whole, completely surrendered to the call of the Lord. No matter if you are at war with your circumstances or the events in the world-Remember to take a piece of peace.
So, do you have a spot? A spot reserved for just you and your maker? He desires to meet you where you are at, to make you complete. It’s time to be still and feel the presence of God that is always with us, yet we so often don’t take the time to acknowledge. I would love to hear about your special spot, where do you go?

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. — John 14:27.

Monday, January 5, 2009

A lifestlyle of praise

Palm FanfareImage by cobalt123 via Flickr
Have you ever noticed that it seems like “palms” are in a constant state of worship? They are connected to a base, face down, yet each one of them has it’s own place, purpose and direction. If you look closely, it looks as if each of them is reaching towards the sun, yet so humbled that their tips dance gracefully in the wind. This dance is never the same, nor is it choreographed. I wonder if that is why they used palms on “Palm Sunday,” because the palms already look like they are in a lifestyle of praise? (Matthew 21:1-11, Mark 11:1-11, Luke 19:28-44, John 12:12-19) When Jesus arrived on the donkey, the people that were praising Him just added to what nature had already started. How differently would life look for us if we were constantly in a state of praise? Would we be so abrasive? Would we be more loving? The palms know that if they do not reach toward heaven that they will not grow. It is important that we stay rooted in the word, yet acknowledge the freedom we have in Jesus to dance in the wind…to praise Him!

Live life in a state of constant worship and thank God for His simple reminders that show us how!

Rendered Heart,
Christina

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Sunday, January 4, 2009

Simply Reset

Diamonds.Image via WikipediaShortly after my ex-husband (we'll refer to him as "Caleb") and I separated and I was informed of his secret lifestyle, I made a decision. A decision to try and move on the best way I knew how. One of the steps that I took in this process was taking apart my engagement ring. Not everyone agreed with it, but this was my recovery not theirs.

One thing that the ring signified to me was "sacrifice." Caleb sold his guitar to buy my engagement ring. The guitar was signed by Les Paul(we always called it his "Louden") and was the same guitar that the praise song "Sanctuary" was written on. So needless to say, it was hard for him to give it up.

Secondly, it reminded me of ministry. Caleb and I talked about me learning to play the guitar. We knew that expressing my heart would be easier if I could play an instrument. So in thinking ahead, Caleb had them make the bottom of my ring flat so that it would not spin when I was playing the guitar.

The third thing this ring signified to me was "beauty." How can anyone look at a sparkling prism-filled diamond and not see beauty? And also find beauty in why they received the ring - as a symbol of what had been brought together.

The fourth thing it represented to me was "forever." I know that must sound crazy because it was just my engagement ring, however, it sat in between my two wedding bands almost like protection. There were three rings all together that reminded me that God like my engagement ring sat in the middle and sustained Caleb and I on both sides.

The ring looks very different to me now. Caleb is not here to express his sacrifice, I never learned to play the guitar and my ministry came to a screeching halt about six months after Caleb and I got married. And yes… God is still there but only one of us acknowledges His presence.

Now the three rings are scattered in my jewelry box, much like our lives, separated. The engagement ring (also known as the center ring) has the center stone popped out. Now your eyes are drawn directly to empty prongs that tend to poke you if you are not careful. The prongs that once elevated so much beauty are now bare - because the diamond has been moved to shine elsewhere.

I'd like to think that my life is the same way. That even though I may be separate from my four prongs called "familiar" - God can still use me.

I have since reset that stone into a necklace. It now serves a new purpose and obtains a new found beauty. I pray God will continue to reveal the "new found me." It is easy at times to believe that when something like divorce happens to us it is almost like the end of the road, rather than us looking at it as a new road. Any girl can tell you that a diamond always has a purpose - and as children of God we have an even bigger purpose. So I rejoice today with you because I am "simply reset." I am in a new place with a new purpose.

Psalm 45:11 The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord.

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Friday, January 2, 2009

Discoveries

I can't believe that 2008 is over. It's funny because I think that I was so eager to start a new year, I failed to notice how fast the last one went by. 2008 has taught me so many different things. Things about life, love, family and friends-the list go on.

The one major lesson that I learned about "life" this year is that "no matter how much you plan, life is still gonna happen." For type "B" personalities, this discovery is no big deal, in fact it may even be a relief. However, for the type "A's" of the world, like my self, let's just say it hurts a little to hold on to. Or should I say, "let go?" I think that for the longest time I thought that I could plan the perfect life and "pray" it into existence. I quite possibly took that whole Jeremiah 29:11 verse a little too far! That part about "not to harm you…" It doesn't mean that you won't get hurt… which brings me to "Love."

I have learned that "no matter how much you love someone, even if they are not who you thought they were, that does not mean that you stop loving all together!" Whoo, I know that could possibly be a trailing thought, but I had to say it all at once. Some of you may or may not know that I went through an "annulment" this year (aka divorce.) My ex-husband decided that he wanted to pursue an "alternative lifestyle" that left no room for me or Jesus for that matter. God has shown me through the lies and deception that I am still called to love, no matter what. In fact, I have already lost so much; to lose love would be tragic! That brings me to "family."

"Family will always be family!" In the midst of the events that have gone on in my life over the last year, they have all stood the closest, the strongest and the tallest-prepared for anything! I must say nothing surprises us anymore. It is funny because no matter how hard you may try to get rid of them sometimes, they might even end up moving in with you-Billy ☺ ahah, I love ya! We all have our moments, but at the end of the day, God knit us together for a reason! Better love your family, because mine is already taken!

Lastly, that brings me to "Friends." I think that friends are God's "breathing blessings" on earth. I can honestly say that the friends that I have made over the last year are life long! I wish that I could name every person that has poured into my life, but I would definitely end up leaving someone out! So- I extend my thanks to all of you! Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your lives and being a part of mine. Even those of you whom I have never met, that read this blog- you inspire me to keep on writing, to keep on growing and I thank you for that! You may never know how much it means to me that you take precious time to hear my heart on paper!

I pray that each of you will "have a divine 2009."

Closing remarks…
Remember, "Even though bad things happen, that does not mean life is bad!" And for my last bit of "2 cents." Remember that our events in life do not define our existence, however, how we respond to those things, does- our reactions reveal our heart and the core of who we really are!

Be Blessed!

Rendered Heart,
Christina

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