Lemonade Anyone?

(Article for Attitude Digest Magazine)

If you had told me at 16 that my fantasy of being married and having a family in my twenties would be plagued by divorce and abandonment, I probably would have laughed at you. Then I would have proceeded to tell you that I do “abstinence education,” as if that would put some sort of guarantee on my future relationships. Isn’t it funny how even when we make “all the right decisions” in life, it still gives us lemons at times? I know plenty of people that recount different seasons in life and go “but wait, I thought that if I did this, I would get that?” Well at 24, nearing 25, I can tell you that life is not fair…Whoops, I feel like I just told someone there is no Santa Claus, but it’s true!

When I turned 20, I met “Mr. Wonderful!” He knew all the right things to say and before I knew it we were engaged and planning a wedding. Everything seemed right, I was a singer, he was a guitar player and producer-We would make “perfect harmony” together, right? WRONG! Six months after we married in July of 2006, we moved from Franklin, TN to Tampa, FL-where my family lived. At the time, it was difficult for my husband to get a good job and he was enthusiastic about the idea of being closer to family. Little did I know that this move would be the launch of his “alternative lifestyle.”

Shortly after moving to Tampa, I noticed that our relationship had shifted, but assumed that it was the result of a new environment and I was probably just being an “overanalyzing female.” I would later find out on July 8, 2008, 3 days after he left with no good reason, that he was pursuing a “homosexual lifestyle” behind my back. This had been going on since we moved to Tampa.

I seem to always get the question or assumption- Do you hate “gay people?” NO, not at all, I love people! Does a woman ignore all women if her husband has an affair one? NO! Or second question is-“You must be so mad, are you?” I normally respond: “Did it make me mad, of course, but am I living in a state anger and sadness-NO!” See “things” are going to happen to us whether we like it or not-for you it may not be divorce it may be the loss of a child, the loss of a job, or the loss of your identity for that matter! At the end of the day, it is up to you and I whether or not we allow these situations to “define” us. As much as I would love to erase the ever-present “D card” that I get to carry for life-it isn’t going anywhere! However, divorce is something that has happened to me, shaped me-But it does not make me, and it surely will not break me!

So take a second, make yourself some LEMONADE and ponder, “is there anything in my life that I am allowing to define me?” “Did I allow an incident or season to have power over me?” Everything that happens in life has an opportunity to affect our perspective or to diminish our attitude. It is up to us, to find the positive components and use them to not only better ourselves, but to help others as well.

OK so me first- LEMON: My ex husband is a “gay porn star,” (I’m serious) what now? SUGAR: Well after seeking out support groups and a great therapist, I realize that I get a second chance. WATER: I was freed of “dead weight,” that would have only held me back. Now I appreciate the little things in life more than ever. STIRRING MIX: I am reminded that there are no guarantees in life, so I try to live everyday to the fullest! Ok, your turn now, go long, I am tossing you your lemon that I found in your desk!

Loving Lemonade,

Rendered Heart

To Write Love on Her Arms

From the "To Write Love on Her Arms" Website: (www.twloha.com)

-121 million people worldwide suffer from depression. (The World Health Organization)

While not always the case, often untreated depression and other struggles lead to unhealthy ways in which we try and deal with the hurt and pain we are feeling. We try and find anything that we can do to take away the hurt, painful feelings, or negative thoughts we are experiencing. Often the things that we turn to seem to help at first, appearing to provide some of the relief that we need so badly. But, even though they may seem like they help, often they are unhealthy themselves, eventually becoming even greater struggles like addictions such as drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, or self-injury.

Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers. (NIMH)

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I had the opportunity to parter in events with "TWLOHA," and I did not realize how serious the issue of depression and "self injury" really was/is, until they told me! Please take a moment to go to their website and get more facts and discussions on this topic...Because according to the stats it is pretty likely that you or someone you know faces this!

I was on my way home from GA a few months ago when I wrote the poem below-I feel like it is something that Jesus would say to someone who is hurting, furthermore hurting themselves.....

With each cut pain released
Each drop of blood gave anger peace
Without the world peering in
Life gave way to sorrow's end

As I approached her, I caught her tears
I put them in a jar alongside her fears
I took my blood and covered her wounds
And sealed her scars throughout the room
I took the razor and showed her my hands
And promised "healing" was in my plans

Always sure this day would come
So thankful now it was the one
To show her "life" without harm
And to WRITE MY LOVE ON HER ARMS

If you or someone you know is hurting themselves or dealing with depression, please get help! You life is too precious to risk!

Embraced by Grace,

Rendered Heart

"Hollie" (in Korea)

On my trip to Korea, I had the opportunity to meet a 7th grader named “Hollie.” I try really hard not to give more attention to one child over another, but she made it pretty hard for me not to. Hollie introduced herself to me the first day with a big grin and a contagious glow. I knew immediately that she would be unforgettable. She made a point to talk to me almost every day, sometimes we exchanged a few lines after session and other times we had long discussions over lunch.

Each day the students were allowed to sign up for a time called “round table,” which meant that 8 of them (per day) could eat lunch with one of the speakers/singers at least one time throughout the week. At one point I overheard the Middle School principal say that it was important to give everyone an opprotunirty, so each student should only sign up once. Somehow Hollie managed to make herself a place at my table almost everyday, she was a sneaky little thang. I learned that she loved to run and was quite good at it. I also discovered that she was part Korean and part American but spoke “Thai!” I teased her that she needed a tee shirt that said that on it!

One day when I was leaving lunch, Hollie came up to me and said “Christina, I really like your song “Closer to Home.” I said “thanks Hollie,” she proceeded to tell me that the reason the song was so special to her was because she had never really had a place to call home and she was thankful to know that every day she was one step closer to the home that God had prepared for her. I never knew a child could have such wisdom and insight to the lyrics of a song. Most students her age like my music because they can clap their hands to it or jump around.

I think that Hollie has a special message for all of us, even those of us who have stayed in a place for an extended length of time and consider that place “home.” Her words may resonate with you differently, but for me I felt like she was saying that she was never able to get “too comfortable” anywhere. Kind of a blessing if you think about it.

The school that I spoke at was an International School and it was stacked with students from many different places. Most of them had lived in at least three or more places and they were only in Middle School. Many of the people that I know have maybe lived one other place for college and then they moved back “home” after. A lot of times we move home because it is familiar, I don’t think that there is anything wrong with that-I did it. However there is a problem when you or I get too comfortable. It is so easy to get into a rhythm and forget who is conducting the music. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that the Lord has plans and a future for us- I think that it would be pretty difficult to see that plan unravel if I just stay in my “comfort zone” all the time, where I am comfortable, don’t you?

I am thankful that Hollie reminds you and I that this is not our final resting place, and every day we are one step CLOSER TO HOME, so we better start livin like it!

What are some ways that you are reminded that this is not your final home?