Friday, February 19, 2010

Lemonade Anyone?



(Article for Attitude Digest Magazine)

If you had told me at 16 that my fantasy of being married and having a family in my twenties would be plagued by divorce and abandonment, I probably would have laughed at you. Then I would have proceeded to tell you that I do “abstinence education,” as if that would put some sort of guarantee on my future relationships. Isn’t it funny how even when we make “all the right decisions” in life, it still gives us lemons at times? I know plenty of people that recount different seasons in life and go “but wait, I thought that if I did this, I would get that?” Well at 24, nearing 25, I can tell you that life is not fair…Whoops, I feel like I just told someone there is no Santa Claus, but it’s true!

When I turned 20, I met “Mr. Wonderful!” He knew all the right things to say and before I knew it we were engaged and planning a wedding. Everything seemed right, I was a singer, he was a guitar player and producer-We would make “perfect harmony” together, right? WRONG! Six months after we married in July of 2006, we moved from Franklin, TN to Tampa, FL-where my family lived. At the time, it was difficult for my husband to get a good job and he was enthusiastic about the idea of being closer to family. Little did I know that this move would be the launch of his “alternative lifestyle.”

Shortly after moving to Tampa, I noticed that our relationship had shifted, but assumed that it was the result of a new environment and I was probably just being an “overanalyzing female.” I would later find out on July 8, 2008, 3 days after he left with no good reason, that he was pursuing a “homosexual lifestyle” behind my back. This had been going on since we moved to Tampa.

I seem to always get the question or assumption- Do you hate “gay people?” NO, not at all, I love people! Does a woman ignore all women if her husband has an affair one? NO! Or second question is-“You must be so mad, are you?” I normally respond: “Did it make me mad, of course, but am I living in a state anger and sadness-NO!” See “things” are going to happen to us whether we like it or not-for you it may not be divorce it may be the loss of a child, the loss of a job, or the loss of your identity for that matter! At the end of the day, it is up to you and I whether or not we allow these situations to “define” us. As much as I would love to erase the ever-present “D card” that I get to carry for life-it isn’t going anywhere! However, divorce is something that has happened to me, shaped me-But it does not make me, and it surely will not break me!

So take a second, make yourself some LEMONADE and ponder, “is there anything in my life that I am allowing to define me?” “Did I allow an incident or season to have power over me?” Everything that happens in life has an opportunity to affect our perspective or to diminish our attitude. It is up to us, to find the positive components and use them to not only better ourselves, but to help others as well.

OK so me first- LEMON: My ex husband is a “gay porn star,” (I’m serious) what now? SUGAR: Well after seeking out support groups and a great therapist, I realize that I get a second chance. WATER: I was freed of “dead weight,” that would have only held me back. Now I appreciate the little things in life more than ever. STIRRING MIX: I am reminded that there are no guarantees in life, so I try to live everyday to the fullest! Ok, your turn now, go long, I am tossing you your lemon that I found in your desk!

Loving Lemonade,

Rendered Heart

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